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I’ll be getting married in a little over five weeks (gulp). As we enter the home stretch I have one very important reason to remain focused – radio control.
Let me explain. In our effort to massively lose weight before our honeymoon on a cruise ship to the Bahamas, Holly and I placed a little bet. Whoever loses a bigger percentage of weight between now and our wedding date gets complete control over the radio on the eight-ish hour trip to Jacksonville, Fla.
It’s the difference in listening to Pink, No Doubt and Adele for eight hours or a concert series of Dave Matthews’ best hits. I prefer the latter.
In fact, I prefer the latter so much I have relegated myself to “eating clean.”
I don’t know where that term comes from. But I can tell you it is not the same as eating my normal diet of pop tarts, assorted candies and fudge rounds, which I can only assume is called eating dirty.
Six boiled eggs a day. No, not the whole egg. That would be too good. Just the egg white. Yes, I hate listening to Adele that much.
Rice cakes. Granted I actually like rice cakes OK, but twice a day for a snack instead of a nice, scrumptious, mouth-watering Snickers bar? It’s worth it when I hear a Pink song on the radio.
Cucumbers. Look, I’m not a rabbit. I’m a man. I like meats, candy and I don’t like vegetables. But it’s that or “Ain’t no holler back girl” from here to Atlanta. Bring on the rabbit food.
Speaking of meats, I get to eat pretty much all of that I want to for lunch and dinner so not all is lost. Good, yummy … turkey balls. No, not sausage balls, but turkey balls. They need some ketchup.
The main goal of this little diet, I think, is to stay away from most preservatives, carbs and processed types of things. I think. I didn’t draw up this plan, my competitor did. The good news is I’m not sure she likes much of that stuff either.
The one thing I do know, and that I do actually like, is I do get to eat at least five times a day. Morning, midday and evening are bigger meals with the biggest at lunch. Then snacks at about 10 a.m. and 2:30’ish p.m. Even the fun part – eating more – is stressful to remember.
But it’s either remember and do it right or Holly’s favorite hits for eight hours.
Who needs more motivation than that?
-Josh Peterson is the editor of the Manchester Times. He is a Tennessee Press Association award-winning writer and photographer. His column, “From the editor’s desk” won TPA first-place honors for best personal humor column. He can be reached by email at email@example.com or by telephone at 931-728-7577 ext. 105. Follow him on Twitter @joshpeterson29