It’s inevitable. Even more certain than the sun is to rise tomorrow. You guessed it – an argument … with a female.
At some point or another, we find ourselves locked into a heated discussion with the opposite sex about things that seem so simple. I know what you’re thinking, too.
“If they would just hush and listen to what I have to say.”
What we really mean is: “We are right, just trust us.”
Welcome to the male brain.
Content inside is not suitable or understandable for all readers (especially females) and I want to remind you that some of the mechanics may appear complex. No camera phones and please keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times.
First stop – the understanding (perhaps wrongly) that women have a need for conflict.
Women, I’ve learned from my life experiences, have a strong desire to correct things. Letting even the smallest things lie is a major malfunction and if you find that a problem is being left alone beware, there is likely a reason. It’s unavoidable. Men, for the most part, are hard-wired to avoid conflict with women. After all, it’s hard to watch the Braves when arguing over why the laundry wasn’t done properly. Towels and shirts don’t go together, they say. Did they get clean, we respond. But once women drag us into the ring we are not happy and will win at all costs, regardless of feelings.
Next stop – we are right and we will say whatever it takes.
Miranda Rights should be reversed here: “nothing you say can or will be held against you at a later date.”
Now you have the right to say whatever you wish and use whatever low blows it takes to reduce the other person to feeling defeat. Chances are we don’t mean it. The idea– in the male brain – is to win the argument, not solve the problem. It’s the theory of comedian Ron White: “let me tell you something about you that you don’t know.”
You want to call me lazy? Well let’s talk about the work you’ve not been doing around the house. When’s the last time you cleaned the kitchen floor? We will take your argument and turn it against you in a hurry to take the negative attention off of us.
Next stop – no details.
Chances are most men don’t pay a bit of attention to detail and it gets us in trouble.
“You don’t like my hair” she will ask. Typical male response: “mmm yeah, I do.”
“We’ll you didn’t say anything about my new color” she will say. And the argument starter will come next: “when did you get that done?”
Chances are, she told us when she went and we were playing a video game. Or she waved it in front of us when she got home and all we could think was, “get out of the way, I’m about to beat this level.”
Women mistake this behavior for “not caring.” Good thing I’m giving a tour inside the male brain because that takes us to the next stop – simple.
That’s right. Men are simple and often one-track minded. If I’m playing a video game, no I did not hear you say to take out the trash. If I’m on the phone, my mind never registered that you were talking to me when you said go to the store to get eggs and milk.
That’s when the arguments come and we say what we have to say to avoid losing. “Why can’t you go to the store? Scratch that, I forgot you are the worst driver ever. Better stay here before our insurance costs go up and we can’t afford milk.”
In all reality we are perfectly happy with going to the store and we know you can drive just fine.
Don’t take it personal, we are just focused on winning.
(Disclaimer: Even though I’m engaged, I’m not yet married. I’m not sure how wise it is to take my advice on women or relationships in general.)
-Josh Peterson is a Tennessee Press Association award-winning writer and photographer and is the editor of the Manchester Times. He can be reached by email at
firstname.lastname@example.org or by telephone at 931-728-7577 ext. 105. Follow him on Twitter @joshpeterson29.