Since the inception of my weekly rant, I’ve used more ink talking about weight loss (i.e. last year’s summertime-shape series) than I’ve used on most any other topic.
Don’t panic. I won’t waste a barrel of ink boring you with the details of some grand weight-loss idea or a personal triumph in that arena. Instead, I’ll take you down Humiliation Highway.
Lately, as with most people when summer approaches, Holly and I have been trying to “fine-tune” our bodies for the summer season. I use that term loosely. For Holly we can call it “fine-tuning.” But I’m more in need of a complete engine rebuild and a new paint job.
Last week I decided I would venture into an “ultimate physique” class at the Manchester Recreation Center. Hey, I would love to have the ultimate physique, I thought. I learned quickly that, not only do I not have the ultimate physique, but I’m not sure I have any physique.
About 20 minutes in the hour-long military session, I tapped out. With everyone still moving about, pumping weights, planking, lunging and flailing around in positions I haven’t been able to realize since my pre-pubescent days, I tucked my head, and slow-walked my breathless self to the door.
Talk about a walk of shame. On my way to the exit I walked past two guys in their mid-50s and about 15 girls. I’m waiting on a judge to suspend my man card any day now.
I’m not sure what I was thinking. Apparently, after posting a photo of my old baseball playing days to Facebook on “Throwback Thursday,” my mind truly believed that I was one good workout away from a major league call up.
Now, after that embarrassment of epic proportions, my mind is even more dysfunctional. I spent an hour trying to convince Holly that I had a heart condition.
I have come to one conclusion, though – I can truly understand how people can reach a point in their minds where they truly are in denial. We never want to admit that we are inadequate or that we can’t do something that we once could.
But, as I have now learned, lying to ourselves can be much more embarrassing than the truth.
-Josh Peterson is the editor of the Manchester Times. He is a Tennessee Press Association award-winning writer and photographer. His column, “From the editor’s desk” won TPA first-place honors for best personal humor column. He can be reached by email at firstname.lastname@example.org or by telephone at 931-728-7577 ext. 105. Follow him on Twitter @joshpeterson29