Conspiracy Corner: what’s not happening in coronavirus news

My column concerning our “Will you take the vaccine” poll left me with conclusion that the coronavirus conspiracies are too broad to address in one story. From Bill Gates and nanotech to Walmart and Chinese communist, these conspiracies would be entertaining if not for the misinformation that they peddle that seems to work against public safety.

My goal here is not to debunk any conspiracy outright. On the other hand, let’s examine the logistical progression — go down the rabbit hole if you will, into a few conspiracies and see how they pan out.

Rating the feasibility of a conspiracy comes down to the number of conspirators involve and the size of the conspiracy. One small secret between a few people is possible to keep quiet, while a reaching scheme with numerous people involved gets harder to control as the size and complexity increases. Clandestine CIA projects can be kept quiet, but imagine how many nations would be involved in a flat Earth conspiracy.

This is all just an overhyped version of the flu aimed at undermining the president

As the pandemic moved into summer and held on with us, many folks seemed to think that COVID-19 would become a non-issue after the election. While the Democrats did heavily criticize President Trump’s handling of the pandemic, November and December saw a dramatic increase in the number of active cases. Moreover, what about the rest of the world? If a Democratic party-controlled press were just making the pandemic up, how would they control the other nations’ COVID-19 crises? Does the Italian, Chinese, British, French and Russian media all answer to the liberal American media moguls? If these nameless manipulators were that powerful, how does the GOP continue?


It’s a Chinese bioweapon

China is not always forthcoming with information, and as government models go, communism isn’t known for concern for the individual, so as theories go, this one does seem to have some credence. Yet the Asian nation did have a major outbreak itself and while their concern for the global community is not well known, letting loose a virus that would go on to kill almost 2 million people is a bit maniacal.

Were this conspiracy valid, would you not see a dramatic contrast between outbreaks in China’s allies versus potential targets. Even a despot bent on world domination would have a cure on the shelf before unleashing it on the world.


The deep state and shadow governments

Microsoft billionaire Bill Gates is said to be behind the virus in a mass mind control plan. As the story goes he has plans for a stamp-shaped vaccine that goes under the skin and that this will be linked to an individual’s social media profiles in order to control them via 5G. Or maybe it’s the radiation from the 5G towers that cause the virus to begin with?

Gates also could be cooking up a plan to kill off a vast portion of the population to save the planet. But if he kills off a large swathe of the population, who’s going to buy the next Microsoft Office upgrade?

As far as mind control goes, big brother already has all the information it needs by tracking us online. It seems no sooner than I search a story idea do related ads appear across my social media platforms. It seems Google knows what I want to buy before I do.


Big business unleashed it to maximize sales

Ok, this is my pet conspiracy theory. As theories go, it’s as good a saying a cell tower is causing a viral infection. Of anyone affected by the pandemic, who has fared better than any other business? Large box retailers have seen hording unlike ever before. And just in time, everyone jumped onto the new curbside delivery, online ordering and self-checkout.

The break from reality in my pet theory is how on Earth could even a retail giant orchestrate a global pandemic? And more damaging to the theory, is if they knew it was coming, wouldn’t they have stockpiled the toilet paper? But these are the ways conspiracy theories work. We draw lines and connect patterns that don’t exist because we need simple answers to why this is happening. Believing in these conspiracies make us important. We are in-the-know and thus special. But how has any of this unraveling ever helped the conspired against?