MATTHEW BURNETTE

Staff Writer

It’s that time of year in Tennessee that a lot of folks dread. The sun is showing out and making itself known. The humidity is high, and the heat index is easily in the triple digits some days.

Those crisp, breezy mornings are gone, and a good deodorant has become less of a pleasantry and more of a necessity. It’s that time of year where you see someone in a hooded sweatshirt or long pants and think to yourself “How can they even?!?”

As a lifelong Tennessean, I’ve experienced my share of smoldering days where it feels like you could cook your breakfast on the nearest sidewalk and the soles of your shoes seem to stick a little when you’re walking down the street.

You’re left pining for those cold winter days that you were just complaining about a few months prior.

With three decades of Tennessee heat under my belt (that sounds a little odd when I read it back, but I’m going with it anyway), I thought I would offer some helpful tips for making it through these scorching summer days.

Stay hydrated

This definitely isn’t an original thought, but one that is absolutely worth mentioning when it comes to the heat of summer.

While any kind of drink is better than allowing yourself to dehydrate, not even the crispest McDonald’s Sprite or the fizziest Cherry Dr Pepper can compare to just a regular old glass of cold water.

It’s absolutely the most refreshing and the best for you. Even during the cooler months, I make sure to always keep my water bottle filled, but it’s much more crucial when it’s hot out.

Find a designated cool place

It’s always helpful to know where you can go to get out of the heat. Whether that’s your own home or your favorite retail establishment, have a place where you can spend a little time in the A/C.

I enjoy a good bookstore that has chairs for you to sit in and thumb through a book for a little while. Libraries are also good for that as well.

Most places, I find, don’t mind you coming in and hanging out to escape the sun.

Wear darker clothing

Undoubtedly, you’ve probably always heard that darker-colored fabrics hold in the heat more than lighter colors do, and I’m not here to dispute that.

However, what I do know for sure is that this type of Tennessee heat barely lets you leave the house before your sweat glands jump into overdrive, especially in the most obvious places.

A darker outfit makes those sweat stains a little less noticeable and allows you to continue about your day without worrying about someone noticing.

(Disclaimer: It occurred to me that this may help in certain situation but not in others. Please be cautious when making your clothing color choices.)

Find a big fan

No, not an ardent admirer. I’m talking about a device to cool yourself down when you need it. And not one of those fancy oscillating deals you plug into the wall at home. One of those foldable fans you can carry around with you.

Those lace trimmed accessories often seen at a debutant ball 100 years ago.

While more commonly used these days to emphasize a point in a conversation or to add some flare to one’s overall demeanor, they are an excellent way to keep yourself cool.

The only drawback of using such a fan is that Tennessee Code dictates that before every use one must either loudly state a southern colloquialism like “It’s hotter than a two-dollar pistol” or dramatically shout “I’ve got the vapors!”

(Note: No such law exists in Tennessee to my knowledge. It could, but I don’t know for sure. Please don’t cite me in any legal proceedings.)

Make two tall friends

Tall people cast the perfect shadow at the right time of the day, and making two tall friends ensures adequate coverage: one to walk next to you and one to walk ahead of you.

Granted, the taller you are the harder it is to find friends tall enough to give you that coverage, but I’m sure if you hang around enough basketball courts or towns known for their nuclear power plants, you can probably find a couple.

Of course, you want to make sure the two tall friends also have other attributes that are compatible with your personality. You never want someone thinking that you only want to be friends with them because they offer you something.

That’s not very nice.

Avoid making lists of any kind after spending too much time in the heat

If this one isn’t obvious to you at this point, then I do not know how much more I can explain it to you.

I think I’m going to enjoy a nice drink in a cool place.

You should do the same!